“Pieces of who I was
shattered
reassembled
into who I am;
Shards shaping into prisms
casting arcs of soul-fire
into who I will be;
I am a kaleidoscope
of all the versions
of myself
I was
and am
and will become.
~ L.R. Knost”

I had an unexpected visitor during an early morning meditation last week.

Her appearance was so sudden and so real that I almost offered her a seat and a cup of tea. I didn’t though. What with me being busy with serious business of meditating and all!

She was bright-eyed, ever so gentle and her dark eyes were full of dreams.

Looking into her eyes, I remembered her dreams.

Of a love that would last forever.

A perfect little family: a mother and a father and children, evenly spaced and well-behaved, their tiny shiny heads bowed in reverent prayer at the end of each day.

She saw them sitting in church together righting the “wrongs” of the past – forming that longed for unit of connection and support. No dissenting agnostic father or tearful wife and mother choosing to teach her children of a God of Love all on her own.

For her only the ideal would do: mother, father and two point five children as society demands.  Never could quite get my head around that one! That is what they say though, about the perfect family, isn’t it?

No – none of that for her!

Her husband would sit next to her holding her hand with affection and care.  He would admonish the young’uns to sit still and mind the dominee with a kind smile and a playful tousling of their hair.

When her husband showed a distinct distrust of the church and it became clear that he would prefer not to be part of her imagined tableau, she was momentarily stunned and confused.

How could this be?

She had prayed about her decision to marry him and sincerely believed that he was the One!  The One for whom she had waited, had kept herself “pure”.

Blinking away her disappointment and loneliness she prayed fervently for his awakening.

For years, the silly little goose prayed with single-minded determination, whilst trying ever trick she could find to keep this thing they call marriage together.

She suppressed her loneliness and faint, and sometimes not so faint, dis-ease at bay.

Most of all – she prayed.

She didn’t come from a long line of women of prayer for nothing.  She knew how – was hard-wired for it!

She prayed that he would miraculously wake up and they would be that perfect family sitting in the church pew.

And when his awakening came some nineteen years later, he came out of the closet and divorced her!

In an instant, gone was the dream of happily ever after and every single thought of how her life would be.

And yet …

The moment of his awakening gave her an opportunity to show compassion – to understand and accept and, above all, to love unconditionally, even as her supposed life lay shattered at her feet.

If I could, I would hug her and tell her how I admire her for her compassion, courage and fervent belief in prayer and dreams.

I would tell her to keep dreaming and praying.  I would, however, sagely add that I suggest she pray: “Thy will be done” instead of thinking she knows what and how!

I would tell her that I admire her and love her with all my heart and that she is truly beautiful inside and out.

And when she next visits: I will whisper in her ear: Never fear, the whole of humanity is a family.