When grief comes a-knocking , creativity calls.

Heartbreak Hotel

I have known for a while now that I am due for a visit to the Heartbreak Hotel.

If there is one thing I have learnt along the way, it is as the Afrikaners say: “jou beurt is jou beurt”.  If I have booked a ticket to visit that place by the decisions I have taken or if Life has dealt me a card that means I will need to open that door, no matter how reluctant I am, I do need to open the door.

For those of us (actually most of us) who have paid intense grief a visit, the reluctance to do it again, is born from knowing how painful it can be.  How painful it is!

That said, like some of my most precious friends, who have really and truly had to grieve (and still do many days) I will tell you this: when the worst happened and my heart was torn from my body and my life as I knew it, crumbled to dust, nothing was ever the same again.

When The Heartbreak Hotel shuttle stops at my door to pick me up for another visit, I may hesitate before I get in, but I will, eventually – I will give in. I have given in – I am writing these words.

My worst brought with it, one abiding gift that will serve me for the rest of my life (as it serves me now) – the knowledge that I can survive even that.  I know it because I did it and that means, if need be, I can do it again. God forbid, but if I need to, I can.

The day comes when I notice the birds singing outside my door and the sunlight on a rose in full bloom and I find I am alive and filled with Gratitude for the small and big things.  I realize too, that the worst has made me stronger, wiser, more compassionate and in many ways more joyful and aware of the important things in life.  Friendship, creativity, gardening, walks on the beach, Love in its’ many guises, you name it – it is here.  It is the Life I live.

I know Life is fleeting, precious, delicate and, oh so beautiful and that Love is everywhere and in everyone, waiting and ready to comfort and inspire.

So I straighten my shoulders, raise my hand and climb into that shuttle – the one I said I never wanted to use again.

As I get in, I tell myself not to make this visit another task.  Something I need to do and master.  I remind myself that I am a human BEING and that this hotel has its’ own perfect process.  I definitely don’t need to do it right – I just need to surrender, rest and let the grief and the healing find me.

See you on the sunny side of the street. I will be the one with the happy smile on her face.  You might want to put your sunglasses on …because this gal’s Light is gonna shine bright – just saying!