I have been missing my mother for the past week or so. Probably because of Mother’s Day.

I wrote this story many years ago in her honour.

I made this collage of my favourite pictures of her when I was mourning her death in 2005

For Hester

Ruby glided out of the Light bubble where she had been resting in search of her friends. Spirals and pulses of brilliant ruby red light shot from her as she vibrated with excitement. True to her name her Light body, a mass of light tendrils in the shape of a lotus flower with a succulent jewel like centre glowed brilliantly.

She slid down the maze of beams, pausing only to merge briefly with those she knew. As they met their colours joined, mixed and became one – a new hue. Briefly they danced forming a beautiful unique new vortex of bright colour . Then they parted ways and wafted on – each in their own direction. She acknowledged the few Elders she saw along the way. When she saw their distinctive delicate pure white beams, she shot a pulse of her purest,deepest Light from her centre to theirs, as was the custom.

She connected telepathically to the sound of the angels singing and surfed the sound wave to her destination.

In the distance she saw a glowing tower/dome – the temple of Light.  It was already full when she reached it. The emerald columns seemed almost solid – the light was so powerful. Flitting her way through the rainbow throng she found her space close to the pure white altar floating in the centre of the Sacred Hall. The sight of the shimmering garnet, emerald and rose crystals beaming around the temple bed made her bow. Her Light dipped in reverence sending a wave of red stars rippling towards first the floor and then the ceiling of the temple. She was gripped by an almost overpowering urge to merge with the crystal beams.

Ruby watched as the Elders’ column like shafts of pure light leaned forward, brushing the new arrivals with their white light.  Touching each part of them gently, dissolving the murkiness they had brought back. Until their own Light shone brightly again. One by one they spiralled up, pulsing ,dipping and dancing as they discovered their freedom from matter. Became part of the multi-coloured congregation once again.

Delighted by the joy and happiness she felt as their vibrations reached her, she swayed in unison. Her being swelled and grew with each new integration. .

“Here again? “Violet joked, “Don’t you ever get tired of it? Come, there’s something I want to tell you. Come on, Ruby… you won’t believe what I have to tell you.”

Her friend had caught her unawares. It was only when she felt Violet’s pulse right next to her, insistent, that she opened herself to her friend’s message.

Reluctantly Ruby trailed after Violet.

“What is it, Violet? “she transmitted, careful not to show her irritation at being called away from her favourite occupation.

“You’re going. It’s your turn. Can you believe it , you lucky ray? “

“No, can’t be. I’m not ready . How’d you know? You sure? Don’t joke about things like that,” Ruby signalled, feeling the flashes of joy shoot out of her.

Violet darted and circled catching the bright red stars. She played with them, forming a ring around her own Light. She sparkled with glee.

“Well, I just happened to intercept a thought form on it’s way between Archangel Gabriel and Lord Kathumi.  Your ceremony is next. I’m sure, girlfriend. Ruby of the Fifth Ray, they said. So you better get ready.  Be sure you know what you want this time round. Have you asked Blue Seven  if he’s going with you?“ Violet formed a question mark as she wove in and out of her companion’s field.

Ruby tried to contain the spirals of brightly coloured sparks pulsing and bursting from her core.  “No, he’s doing the Forgiveness circuit.  I was thinking of a fun one this time. Maybe Creativity – that’s cool, don’t you agree?  Haven’t done it in eons. Oh well, I’ll just do it the Moment. When the Creator asks,  I’ll just say whatever is in me then.”

At the ceremony she hovered, waiting reverently for the Elders to send out their beams. Ready to attach as soon as this happened. The Hall of Life was even bigger than she remembered. She was glad her friends were there.  The dome was a pearly, irridescent white. The whole space sparkled with Light. Every Being wore their very best Light.  The Love and Presence of the Creator was so strong here. Even stronger than in the Healing Temple. She knew when they opened the Book of Life, kept in the crystal chest on the elevated rotating beam, she would feel herself expand into nothingness.

But first, the River of Forgetfulness. Her mentor had explained it to her.

“Forgetting is part of the process .  So we can experience things for the first time. What we have already learnt, remains part of us though. And, dear One , we all carry Home with us in our deepest core. When you truly need it, it will come to your aid. We are always a thought away even though you may not consciously remember that it is so.” Lord Kathumi’s words danced in her as she drifted in the water light, playfully twisting and turning as she had been instructed to ensure all parts of her were cleansed.

Emerging from the fluid blue band of light she felt the Elders and her friends form a circle of love around her. She felt their pulsing as her own.  After a brief pause, she surrendered into the Love. Saw the tunnel open and readied herself …

Woosh.

Great speed and a rush of stars against blackness as she sped through space accelerating and expanding until she was no longer.

***

Gradually a faint light seeped into her consciousness. A dim and pinkish-orange colour. She felt a strange sensation. A heaviness and restrictedness that was unfamiliar. There was a strange thumping sound that came to her as if from far.

DOEF doef DOEF  doef .

It was rhythmic and predictable. One loud, one soft. Over and over again – never-ending. Filling the space around her. It was all encompassing, yet it seemed muffled by layers of fluid.

The fluid grew thicker and began to take a shape around her. In fascination she felt the hull grow and morph into shapes. Four main appendages each ending in a host of finer tendrils.

Later Ruby heard a new DOEF doef . This one closer . So close that it seemed to be in her. It played along with the main sound – mostly in sync.

Then other sounds joined, mainly two different kinds. One soft, gentle and near. The other came from a distance . It was deep and loud.

When the loud sound was particularly harsh, the fluid would contract . Waves would slosh around her and she would feel something she didn’t know. It was like excitement, but harder and somehow not right. Gentle Sound would come then. Slowly, the churning would stop and the fluid would come to rest – be peaceful again.

It seemed to Ruby that Gentle Sound was around more. Loud Sound much less.

As the new smaller bumps formed around the top of her, she could distinguish different tones in Gentle Sound and Loud Sound. The sounds flowed like the fluid around her. Up and down, soft and loud. Sometimes long and smooth and rhythmic and at other times short and abrupt. Stopping and starting.

The pod always responded …peaceful and soothing or upsetting and rough.

Loud Sound:“ I don’t have time for this. Can’t you see I’m busy? You’re the one who wanted this. I’m still studying. We should have waited.”

Gentle Sound: “ I didn’t do it on purpose. It must be God’s will.”

Loud Sound : “ Ok, ok don’t get upset. It ‘ll be alright.  Not long now.“

Gentle Sound : “ I ‘m terrified. It ‘s just… there’s no way out now.“

Ruby felt the pressure around her as Gentle Sound spoke. It was in her too now. This unknown strange excitement with the hard edge. It was growing stronger all the time.

When it was almost too much to bear, Ruby felt a pulling and a pushing that turned her upside down. The sides of the pod closed in on her and she felt herself propelled downwards. Scrambling she tried to right herself, to crawl back to the safety of the DOEF doef sound.

But it was too strong and now Gentle Sound was no longer gentle and soft. An eeiry, twisting sound.

Mmmmm. Eina. Oeh . Eina .

Silence punctured by other short sounds. Again the twisty sounds gripping her and tossing, pinching and squeezing her. Down towards something she sensed she wouldn’t like.

The vice around her and the torturous sounds. Over and over again the drawing down.. Scrambling back. Sounds from afar urging and pushing her and Gentle Sound.  Pushing them both.

As if from nowhere came the message: Let go, Ruby. Surrender. Let it happen. It’s the only way.

“ There’s the head now. One more push. Good. At last . It’s a girl. You have a little girl.”

Gentle Sound: “ Let me hold her. Where is she? I want to hold my baby.”

Through the harsh light and cold air she felt herself carried and placed in warmth.  A softness that felt like Home. She could still hear the DOEF doef sound very faintly beneath her. She felt the wetness on her skin and the soft stroking of the One on whom she lay.

Then she was lifted up and she heard her mother say : “She’s all red. So tiny and perfect. Ohhhh….I can see God in her eyes”.