Last night I happened to be tuned into RSG and learnt that President Jacob Zuma would be addressing the nation on the ruling of the Constitutional Court .

Dare I admit that there was a small part of me that hoped against hope that for some inexplicable reason the man would resign!! An even bigger part of me begged all that is true and good and sane to make this happen. Somehow!

I thought the speech was quite well-written. If anyone else had delivered it, it might even have worked to spin the situation.

Unfortunately all I felt as I listened, was rage. Pure and simple.

My ears rang with his maniacal laugh . There were flashes in my brain of his derisive and disrespectful conduct in parliament.

I admit he managed to deliver this speech with far less mispronunciation of words than usual. Thankfully it contained no numbers for him to mangle.

When he dared to tell us that we should be proud of the constitution and of how things went down I raced to the bedroom for my blood pressure pills!! Only kidding – my blood pressure is fine. It just felt as if my top would blow!.

I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs: how dare you talk about pride or presume to tell us anything…

I didn’t though .

I didn’t want to frighten the dogs or my love, but the anger I felt was huge. HUGE!

As he proceeded to talk and talk and deny all responsibility and at the same time utter the phrase :” I unreservedly apologize” I almost wept from pure frustration. I mean really. If he did nothing wrong, “just followed a different route” what is he apologizing for ?

Most of the apologies I have made in my life have been preceded by an admission of guilt or at the very least an acknowledgement of the other person’s point of view. Surely…admitting one is wrong is part of the process?

Then there was the fact that, try as I might, I simply did not believe a single word he said. Not one. He might as well have been reciting Dr Zeus’s Cat in the Hat! It was all gobble-dee-gook.

I, who have had to forgive some pretty big things in my life (even if I say so myself) felt absolutely no compassion or inclination to believe, never mind forgive!!

I ask myself: was I alone in my reaction? Judging from the newspaper headlines this morning it would appear not. In fact, my reaction seems to be pretty standard – at least in some circles.

I don’t like feeling this way. I don’t like being ashamed of my country’s leader.

How on earth could he (and his advisors!) have chosen April Fool’s Day to talk about all of this?? Or is the joke still on us?