I find myself thinking about food a lot these days. I am carrying a few extra pounds of weight at this stage. Quite a unique experience for me, although I have been through patches like this before where my usually slim and trim shape disappears for a time.

I suppose my reflection was triggered by hikers the other day. To my dismay one of the hikers visiting Fynbos Retreat whilst enjoying The Fynbos Trail, turned out to be a former pupil of mine! In my very first year of teaching I was her German teacher. She apparently told my partner and her husband and friends that I was hot then! Thin and slim and …hot! To which my partner loyally replied: “ She still is “ ..or something to that effect.

Thing is ..with the extra weight I don’t always feel hot anymore. I have joined the lament of women all over the planet. I can hear myself, but can’t seem to bite back the cliché in time : “ Do I look fat in this?” One of my least favourite things nowadays is trying on clothes in the changing rooms in shops. Those mirrors are diabolical,I tell you…positively evil. They can destroy any shred of self-esteem in five seconds flat.

The worst is I can remember judging my mother when she was my age for carrying extra weight. Now I know. Something does change as we grow older. That is the ugly truth. How can all those countless Face Book jokes about women , age and weight be wrong? No, my friend, they are right on the money.

When I pondered why I am fast heading to beached-whale status, I realized immediately there are two main factors.
One, I am not walking (my preferred form of exercise) enough. I sit in front of the computer for work a lot. Too much, some days, if truth be told.

Secondly, we don’t always take good care of ourselves in the food department nowadays. We are so busy catering for others that we are often tired of food by the time we should be eating. Being in the hospitality industry we have odd hours and even odder habits.

I grew up in a family where our mother worked outside the home and wasn’t particularly fond of cooking. Our father described food as “fuel”. When I got married, I was determined to change this pattern. We would sit around a table as a family and enjoy good food as all families do in the Hollywood movies!.

So with shiny newlywed fervour, I proceeded to serve my husband a three course breakfast every morning amidst the rush to work. Boy, that didn’t last long. The man was not a morning person and sat like a zombie while the lovingly prepared eggs congealed on his plate!

Then when I got divorced, I lost a lot of weight. Mostly because I had no appetite for food (and I confess) for a while for life!. I ended up being so scrawny that one of the delightful Linden ladies called me aside to inform me that we really can’t afford to lose too much weight at our age – makes us look wrinkled and ugly she attested. I remember thinking : “Oh, boy, lady, may you never experience grieving. May you never know what it is like when your whole body mourns a loss so great, it robs you of your will to live”. Albeit temporarily.
As part of my healing, I began to consider eating a beautiful ritual. One best shared with others, but even as a solitary activity a special thing.

So from now on I will be sure to lay the table with the best china inherited from my grande dame maternal grandmother or at least a beautiful table cloth. I will again consider eating a social activity and a wonderful form of self-love. I will remember to take in Life gratefully and mindfully and savour it as it nurtures my body and my soul.

Bon Appetite!